This was written Aug. 15th 2010
I admit it, I suck. Every time I turn around I’m promising to write more, and as per usual I got stuck with a myriad of excuses, none of them particularly good. I could say that I’ve been busy, true, I feel like if I have things to do I shouldn’t take time to write I should be working. And when I look at my day, well every day, I’m constantly narrating a story, why I don’t take time to write it down is beyond me. Maybe it’s lack of discipline, which is funny since I don’t think anyone looking at my work ethic would say there is a lack of discipline. Scared of taking a risk I’m sure, so here it goes again, let’s see if I can stick to it.
I woke up early this morning. If that happens it’s usually because my brain turns on. Either because of insecurities, going over in my head conversations, actions, could I have done it better, what the hell were they thinking, or because I start thinking about all the things that I need or want to do that day. The later is a good day.
It’s going to be a hot day and since I’m awake I figured I’d get off my ass before I end up spending all day on the couch watching movies and playing the Wii. So I started the laundry (very productive of me already) and head out to get some breakfast. I’m convinced that people in the Sellwood area don’t get out for breakfast before 10 am and I’m mostly right. When I get to Bertie Lou’s there are plenty of tables and get my choice and instead of picking the last outside seat that directly in the morning sun, I choose the indoor table in the window, directly in the sun, and I immediately regret it and wish I could just get up and change seats, but I didn’t and I did enjoy the sun from the inside, shining through the window and only making me sweat when I started drinking the coffee. Ahhh sweet sweet nectar of the gods, there is nothing like that lazy cup of coffee on a day when your obligations are no more than a couple loads of laundry and making dinner with several blissful hours separating the two.
If you had told me ten years ago that I would relish the over easy egg with it’s runny gooey yolk pooling on the plate, I’m sure I would have made a disgusted face and said you were crazy. Now I relish it, breaking into it and spooning over my rye toast, smear it around on the plate with a strip of fatty salty bacon, cooked to perfection. I drank the coffee until my hands started to tremble and looked out of the window narrating this and promising myself I would write a little when I got home.
If you asked me what was new I would almost immediately say very little, my days have been full of biking and swimming and lots of work, which as of late has been both interesting and tedious. I’ve been doing new work, and listening to office politics most of things I can’t hear and the stuff I can hear makes me cringe. I’m not sure what happened but the atmosphere has turned brittle and catty, maybe it’s inevitable in the workplace when people are shoved into a space and forced to be a family, much like them it wasn’t your pick.
So what’s really new is a new idea, a new plan, a new dream that I’m almost afraid to believe in. I’ve definitely looked around me at other people owning businesses and wondering how the hell did they make that happen? I could do that! I could probably even do it better. So why am I not. I’ve said often enough it’s because I’m not interested in being married to that kind of life, not being able to go anywhere, busting your ass. But maybe it’s not that maybe it’s just because that sounds scary and risky and where the hell am I going to find the money to start my own place. It mostly comes down to money and I think maybe my belief deep down is that you have to have money to make money. Which is certainly not the American spirit or at least the stories of entrepreneurship that really started this country. People who started with nothing and made an empire out of pure gumption.
Dammit I have gumption! I’m smart, I have amazing smart and talented friends, I have a freakish work ethic, and I’m tired of working for the man! Sorry man, you’ve been good to me, but it hasn’t been always the healthiest of relationships and it’s time I think we move on and end this on a good note. Kisses and hugs.
That’s right we, I mean me and my partner in crime, are going into business for ourselves. I’m also a big believer in the goals that are most likely to succeed are the ones that are written down and/or screamed from the roof tops. So I’m screaming it.
I plan on writing about it, the highs (may there be many) and the lows (I’m not deluding myself). This is the easy part, the talking about it, the planning the scheming the brilliance and the gloating at our sheer genius, and admittedly even the talking about it is scary, where the hell will the money come from? Who is going to give me a loan, with a sever lack of capital? But my plan is, to ask and I haven’t done that before so it’s a step that I haven’t taken and a risk I haven’t dared. So here is to risks we haven’t taken that could lead us down a path we didn’t see.
Wish us luck!